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The Ascendant

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hrm [Jul. 6th, 2005|04:30 am]
The Ascendant
[emotion |cheerfulcheerful]
[sensory |Felx da Housecat ft Pop Tarts- Money, Success, Fame, Glamour]

So the last few days have been completely awesome. The self-loathing evaporated when I realized I was hating on myself for no good reason. That's so obnoxious.
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ug [Jul. 1st, 2005|05:50 pm]
The Ascendant
[emotion |coldcold]

when will I learn to keep my thoughts to myself? Does some subconscious bit of my brain enjoy hurting me and those around me? wtf...
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bleeding out [Jul. 1st, 2005|03:12 pm]
The Ascendant
[emotion |awakeawake]
[sensory |The Faint- I Disappear]

Nice guys don't finish last. They see the finish line and get shot in the gut. It turns out that wasn't a starter pistol at all.
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why I hate dreams [May. 25th, 2005|09:54 am]
The Ascendant
[emotion |pessimisticpessimistic]
[sensory |Evanescence- Fields of Innocence]

It fades in with me driving northbound on I-95. The details of where I'm going or why I'm going there are not at all present. Each side of the road has four cop cars parked alongside of it. Two of the cars are jutting out into the rightmost lane, therefore traffic is slowed down with people trying not to crash into the cops. Ahead there's a sign stating that I-95 is closed and there's a detour. I turn off.

Next thing I know I'm walking onto the balcony of a hotel room at least 30 stories up. Somehow the fear of heights I possess in waking life doesn't cripple me. I look out and see a massive body of water stretching out to the horizon. To the left is I-95. The highway doesn't extend out over the water at all. It cuts off abruptly and begins again where the ground does some 5 miles or so to the right. There are boats of all sorts and large sections of road. I deduce that they're building a bridge.

It's here that I feel like the balcony is on a bit of an angle. Just then, a sliding glass door opens up a few feet past the one I came out of. Apparently I'm sharing this balcony with the people in the next room. They walk out. It's a male and a female with those oddly generic and forgettable dream people faces. They sit down in a couple of plastic chairs and we converse on the construction. I look back out and the highway is gone altogether, as are the boats and everything else that peppered the water minutes ago. I ask them if they know what's going on. They tell me that sitting out here is like tuning a radio. One thing comes into focus only to change once you acknowledge it. I nod my head because for some reason I understand completely.

We leave the room and on the way out, I notice my door and all of the others have a thin window down the middle with a privacy curtain. As we walk down the hallway I glance into one room and see a long and narrow space with a thin metal food preperation table in the middle. I point it out and they tell me this place doubles as a dorm. I guess that the person living in there is in culinary. I ask where we're going and they tell me the name. They describe it as a mixture of Dave & Busters and an amusement park for kids. As in, kiddie rides.

As we're walking down the street I hear a shout of recognition come from our right. I look over and a short female is running toward my two companions. This is the obligatory dream person that you remember upon waking but have no idea who it is. They introduce me. She's short, petite, and resembles Amy Lee to a degree. She has long black hair pulled into a ponytail. Her bangs are escapees framing her face. She's very friendly and energetic. They tell her where we're headed and she decides to come along. I'll refer to her as DG for the remainder.

I feel like I look down at the ground and when I look back up, we're standing inside the building. The vague two people wander off, leaving me standing with DG. We walk around looking at the various entertainment, conversing and laughing. She grabs my hand and begins to run, pulling me along while giggling incessantly. We come to a photo booth where we proceed to make goofy faces and she kisses my cheek for one of the pictures. I bend down to get the pictures from the little slot and turn around and she's not standing there. She's sitting back against one of the kiddie rides smiling and staring at the mechanical workings of the ride. I walk over and tug on her arm a little. She shakes her head playfully and continues to smile. I turn to walk away and she jumps onto my back, announcing a piggy back ride. She's light and knows how to do it without choking the person out, so I don't mind. We walk around like that some more, discussing music and video games and pop culture.

Then I'm walking around looking for her holding two toys I somehow won. I see her standing near a wall with an old man trying to wrestle the toy she's won from her hands. I walk over and ask what's going on. The old man says that she's stolen his prize at which time I smack his hand off of it. I tell him that we won our toys at the same time and that she didn't steal his. After he walks away she thanks me and gives me a hug. After that she resumes bouncing about.

We're back in the room now, the four of us. I'm on the couch and DG is laying with her head in my lap. We're talking and having a good time.

I wake up. I snap to reality quickly and stare up at the walls of my room. One look around verifies that it was a dream and I'm disappointed. Despite the fanstatical elements early in the dream, my brain lost the memo that it wasn't reality. I lay in bed wondering why my mind hates itself so intensely to conjure up such a great yet nonexistent girl. The more I think about it, the more empty I feel. I meander into the shower and try to imagine the water is washing away the realization that the girl in my dream wasn't real and neither is the happiness I felt in her company. It's clear to me that my mind is trying to sabotage itself and the water streaming from my face becomes a steady stream of silent curses. I get dressed and make the decision to write it all out, hoping that by doing so it will somehow transfer itself to the keyboard and cease to endanger my psyche. That is why I hate dreams.
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Fo Reals?! [May. 8th, 2005|05:32 pm]
The Ascendant
[emotion |amusedamused]
[sensory |Avenged Sevenfold- Chapter Four]

Am I....noooo... I'm not... I'm posting?! Joseph, Mary and the kid I'm actually writing something in this thing. Anyhow. Life has had its usual ups and downs lately, yet it's had more ups than downs. I've finally got my own apartment (a nice one at that), Flossie D and I are on good terms, I have a sweet job, I made some new friends, and I've got even more sweetness lined up on the horizon. Just exacerbated myself from a tumultuous relationship that followed right on the heels of last year's drama. It gets quiet around the apartment sometimes and it feels a bit empty, but for the majority I'm enjoying my space. Relationships bring drama, period. It's a fact of life I'm slowly learning to accept. Emotional baggage is a difficult thing to leave behind. Enough of the emo bullshit though. In the near future I'll be getting a new car, a new TV, a new computer, and some furniture, in that order. I probably should get some furniture after the car to put the new TV and computer on, but I want those things more than I want a place besides the floor where I can set them. I've got to get back down to Ft Lauderdale for a visit one of these days. I think I can finally let go of my hang ups with a few members of the old group. We'll see. One of the new people I met at work is an inspiration. He's 7 years my senior and still dressing and representing however he pleases. It's nice to know that these people telling me to grow up and start wearing fucking khakis and all that shit have no real argument. I was starting to listen, too. Blegh. This other guy I met through my sisters is lving proof that marijuana does not make a person lazy and/or irresponsible. The guy works 40-60 hrs a week making big bucks, goes to school full time with a double major, AND smokes like 6-10 bowls of crip a day. Those around me these days have reaffirmed that one does not need to turn to religion to be happy or successful. Funny that the same people telling me to grow up are the same ones trying to turn me into a brainwashed Jesus whore. Gah. It's Mother's Day and I'm about to go on the boat and listen to some Bob Marley. Arcothandria out.
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hm [Dec. 6th, 2004|03:32 am]
The Ascendant
[emotion |aggravatedaggravated]
[sensory |Clint Mansell- Meltdown]

the entry which formerly went here is now irrelevant. The timespan which I spake of here I no longer choose to acknowledge as having been part of my life. Thank you and goodnight.
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absinthe + boozecore kids + halo 2 = win [Dec. 1st, 2004|03:30 am]
The Ascendant
[emotion |calmcalm]
[sensory |Bush- Come Down]

This weekend. It was the bomb shit. So I drive down there groovin' out with my brand spankin' new discman/tape deck combo. I got to Gavin's and Fred was assed out on the couch. I looked around and Gavin was nowhere to be found. I lit up a smoke and stood inside like the rebel that I am. After a few minutes Gavin busts in the door with some Hollywood Video stuff. Fred woke up and we immediately poured our first glasses of absinthe, toasted and took pictures. We drank our first glasses while listening to the CD I'd made Gavin and babbling at each other about the effects. We drank a second glass each and stumbled up to Walgreens. On the way back we were power walking like mad and when I said "hey we're walking really fast" Fred responded with "yeah we should slow down." Yet, we never slowed. As we sat around listening to music and eating potato chips, I attempted to write. My handwriting while on absinthe is 100% illegible. I stared at the scribbles for a few minutes before I went to sleep.

I woke up the next morning with a headache and an upset stomach. I took two Advil, threw up, and took two more Advil. I sat around for a little while and recovered before I woke up Gavin so we could go get some food. Gavin had to work so I drove him up to the mall and went back to his place to chill out for a little while. I drank a bunch of water and eventually headed over to Fred's apartment. I sat basically by myself and played Half-Life 2 on Frank's computer for a good portion of the night. Gavin called Fred and asked if we wanted to go to Arion's apartment for this guy Ryan's birthday party. My second encounter with a shard of the boozecore group was definitely a lot more laid back than my first, on Halloween. We listened to good music, played some Jenga, looked at art and photography books, all while Arion documented the events with his camera. Eventually Fred, Gavin, and I went back to Gavin's, with Mik accompanying us, stone drunk as usual. We all went into Gavin's and poured absinthe. We put on Moulin Rouge and attempted to watch it. I fell asleep about a half an hour into it and that was that.

Sunday I drove Gavin to work again and talked to Mik about playing some Halo 2 a little later. He said alright and I waited at Gavin's for Fred to get there. When he did we went over to Mik's and played some Halo 2. Gavin got back from work and joined in. I was wrecking everybody, as usual. We did that until pretty late and then Gavin and I went over to the dorm computer labs so he could burn a CD for class. While there we called Trish up and she came back to Gavin's with us. We drank absinthe and watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Awesome movie, btw. I drove Trish back to the dorms after the movie and then went back to Gavin's to chill. Gavin and I both passed out pretty much right away.

Monday I woke up, woke Gavin up, went to get some food, and then Fred came over. We played some video games for a while and then Fred had to go pick up LB from work. We were going to just drop him off because Gavin feels like Brandon doesn't want him in their apartment. I asked LB and he said it would be cool and he wouldn't stand for any more bullshit high school drama in his apartment and would squash that shit if it happened (that's how I interpreted it, anyhow). So we went over there and hung out for the night. Gavin and I went back to Gavin's and chiled for a while and then I came back home. It was definitely a fun weekend and methinks I'll have to attend a kickball after all.
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Survey TIME?! [Nov. 9th, 2004|02:56 am]
The Ascendant
[emotion |tiredtired]
[sensory |the microwave humming]

Where on earth do you live:
Reason(s) behind your LJ username:
5 things you want to do/accomplish before you die:
What makes you happy:
What have you been listening to lately:
Do you enjoy reading my LJ:
If so, why:
Interesting fact about you:
Are you in love at the moment:
Favorite destination:
Favorite quote:
Will you post this in your LJ:

A movie:
A book:
A musical artist, song, or album:
Your fav. LJ user (not on my list already) and why:

Fill this out in a comment if you're bored. If you're really bored post it to your own journal.
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(no subject) [Nov. 3rd, 2004|03:29 am]
The Ascendant
[emotion |nervousnervous]
[sensory |Green Day- Wake Me Up When September Ends]

This past weekend was a good bit of fun and this coming weekend looks to be promising as well.


Halloween in Ft LauderdaleCollapse )

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Artemisia Absinthium [Oct. 25th, 2004|02:27 am]
The Ascendant
[emotion |energeticenergetic]
[sensory |Tool- Parabola]

"Quite apart from the high alcohol content, traditionally 68% abv, absinthe contains the herb 'wormwood' (Artemisia absinthium). This bitter herb contains a chemical called thujone, which is very similar to the active chemical in cannabis, THC (tetrahydrocannabinol). Analysis by scientists in the 1960s & 70s shows that this similarity is not a coincidence. Both chemicals are terpenoids. This means that 'both thujone and THC exert their psychotomimetic agents by interacting with a common receptor in the central nervous system', said scientist J del Castillo when writing an article on similarities between the psychological effects attributed to absinthe and those of marijuana (Nature magazine, January 31st 1975).

Both alcohol and thujone are drugs, and as such, we recommend that you drink absinthe in moderation. In short, wormwood offers an experience other than simply just becoming drunk, but is not comparable to the effects of a potent hallucinogen such as LSD."

Mmm this certainly sounds wonderous. I can't wait to get my hands on some. I'll have a bottle before the year is through, mark my words.
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