|why I hate dreams
||[May. 25th, 2005|09:54 am]
|||||Evanescence- Fields of Innocence||]|
It fades in with me driving northbound on I-95. The details of where I'm going or why I'm going there are not at all present. Each side of the road has four cop cars parked alongside of it. Two of the cars are jutting out into the rightmost lane, therefore traffic is slowed down with people trying not to crash into the cops. Ahead there's a sign stating that I-95 is closed and there's a detour. I turn off.
Next thing I know I'm walking onto the balcony of a hotel room at least 30 stories up. Somehow the fear of heights I possess in waking life doesn't cripple me. I look out and see a massive body of water stretching out to the horizon. To the left is I-95. The highway doesn't extend out over the water at all. It cuts off abruptly and begins again where the ground does some 5 miles or so to the right. There are boats of all sorts and large sections of road. I deduce that they're building a bridge.
It's here that I feel like the balcony is on a bit of an angle. Just then, a sliding glass door opens up a few feet past the one I came out of. Apparently I'm sharing this balcony with the people in the next room. They walk out. It's a male and a female with those oddly generic and forgettable dream people faces. They sit down in a couple of plastic chairs and we converse on the construction. I look back out and the highway is gone altogether, as are the boats and everything else that peppered the water minutes ago. I ask them if they know what's going on. They tell me that sitting out here is like tuning a radio. One thing comes into focus only to change once you acknowledge it. I nod my head because for some reason I understand completely.
We leave the room and on the way out, I notice my door and all of the others have a thin window down the middle with a privacy curtain. As we walk down the hallway I glance into one room and see a long and narrow space with a thin metal food preperation table in the middle. I point it out and they tell me this place doubles as a dorm. I guess that the person living in there is in culinary. I ask where we're going and they tell me the name. They describe it as a mixture of Dave & Busters and an amusement park for kids. As in, kiddie rides.
As we're walking down the street I hear a shout of recognition come from our right. I look over and a short female is running toward my two companions. This is the obligatory dream person that you remember upon waking but have no idea who it is. They introduce me. She's short, petite, and resembles Amy Lee to a degree. She has long black hair pulled into a ponytail. Her bangs are escapees framing her face. She's very friendly and energetic. They tell her where we're headed and she decides to come along. I'll refer to her as DG for the remainder.
I feel like I look down at the ground and when I look back up, we're standing inside the building. The vague two people wander off, leaving me standing with DG. We walk around looking at the various entertainment, conversing and laughing. She grabs my hand and begins to run, pulling me along while giggling incessantly. We come to a photo booth where we proceed to make goofy faces and she kisses my cheek for one of the pictures. I bend down to get the pictures from the little slot and turn around and she's not standing there. She's sitting back against one of the kiddie rides smiling and staring at the mechanical workings of the ride. I walk over and tug on her arm a little. She shakes her head playfully and continues to smile. I turn to walk away and she jumps onto my back, announcing a piggy back ride. She's light and knows how to do it without choking the person out, so I don't mind. We walk around like that some more, discussing music and video games and pop culture.
Then I'm walking around looking for her holding two toys I somehow won. I see her standing near a wall with an old man trying to wrestle the toy she's won from her hands. I walk over and ask what's going on. The old man says that she's stolen his prize at which time I smack his hand off of it. I tell him that we won our toys at the same time and that she didn't steal his. After he walks away she thanks me and gives me a hug. After that she resumes bouncing about.
We're back in the room now, the four of us. I'm on the couch and DG is laying with her head in my lap. We're talking and having a good time.
I wake up. I snap to reality quickly and stare up at the walls of my room. One look around verifies that it was a dream and I'm disappointed. Despite the fanstatical elements early in the dream, my brain lost the memo that it wasn't reality. I lay in bed wondering why my mind hates itself so intensely to conjure up such a great yet nonexistent girl. The more I think about it, the more empty I feel. I meander into the shower and try to imagine the water is washing away the realization that the girl in my dream wasn't real and neither is the happiness I felt in her company. It's clear to me that my mind is trying to sabotage itself and the water streaming from my face becomes a steady stream of silent curses. I get dressed and make the decision to write it all out, hoping that by doing so it will somehow transfer itself to the keyboard and cease to endanger my psyche. That is why I hate dreams.