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The Ascendant

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Blue [Oct. 6th, 2004|02:29 am]
The Ascendant
[emotion |calmcalm]
[sensory |Marilyn Manson- Kiddie Grinder]

God be damned for Justin's 6am doctor's appointment. Now I'm left sitting solo bored out of my skull for the duration of the night. This town is dead. Job interview on Thursday and rum party on Saturday. The remainder of the week is definitely looking bright.
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Respite [Oct. 1st, 2004|02:30 am]
The Ascendant
[emotion |draineddrained]
[sensory |Muse- Uno]

Sleep is forfeit. Too much rum and video gaming too long. My, this is an interesting experience. Even a nap would put me out of sorts for the duration. Argh. I finally found a disc worth buying at wal-mart. The Killers. You can tell they're from Vegas. They've got this groovy retro modern sound. Mr. Brightside is most definitely my favorite track.
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Newed [Sep. 30th, 2004|02:31 am]
The Ascendant
[emotion |contentcontent]
[sensory |Breaking Benjamin- Next to Nothing]

Captain Morgan is excellent when mixed with: passionfruit juice, cola, cherry cola, ginger ale, V8 Splash, cran-grape juice, and I've heard Bailey's.

The hurricanes have affected some very close to me and I hope for a swift recovery. Insurance companies have taken to giving people the shaft.

note to self: never take codeine again. vomiting and headaches are no fun.
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Tylenol #3 [Sep. 23rd, 2004|02:33 am]
The Ascendant
[emotion |lethargiclethargic]
[sensory |The Velvet Teen- Forlorn]

Tylenol with codeine. mmmm. Today was my first experience with nitrous. At first they didn't have the apparatus over my nose correctly, so I felt and cared about every single novocaine needle. Then they left me alone for a little while, at which time I pressed the apparatus up to my nose and inhaled deeply several times. That's more like it. They came back with a discman and one of the nurses went and got her CDs for me since all they had was this lame eighties classical sounding disc. I got a tooth ripped out of my head while I was flying on nitrous and jamming out to Tom Petty's Greatest Hits. Oh yeah. Now I've got a hole where the tooth was and a gash where they took a scalpel to the abcess. Just in time for Hurricane Jeanne! Here to finish what Frances started, I presume. Damn it. Huricane season sucks.
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Nitrous and Novacaine [Sep. 21st, 2004|02:34 am]
The Ascendant
[emotion |soresore]
[sensory |Snow Patrol- Spitting Games]

abcessed. swollen. the dentist said it doesn't hurt anymore because the nerve is dead. I'm on antibiotics and they're going to pull the tooth on Thursday. Good riddance.
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bah [Sep. 10th, 2004|12:50 am]
The Ascendant
[emotion |discontentdiscontent]
[sensory |Killswitch Engage- The End of Heartache]

I'm done with this game. I've played it for far too long and I'm through. If she doesn't want me, that's her loss, not mine. She wants to go back to how things were before? Be just friends again? Can she not see that things will NEVER be the same? If we had parted ways differently, I might feel differently. Yet, this gist doesn't leave me much room to feel good about things.

"I don't feel like that about you anymore, yes, all of the sudden. Oh, by the way, it's your best friend of 9 years that I want to be with now. Is that ok???"

OF COURSE I said it was ok when I first heard it! It's called shock! What was I supposed to do with all these emotions being pressed on me? Buckle and show exactly how miserable all of this was making me? Scream at my friend because he's entertaining this idea? Scream at both of them for stabbing me through the heart and then making sure to lay my body down gently?! I didn't know what to feel!! This has got to be the lamest position I've ever been put into.

Selfish, confused little girl seeking comfort falls for extremely lonely and somewhat sensitive close friend of nine years. Can we say....emotional transferrance? Can we say.... moving on so quickly that it completely snubs anything I might be feeling? God damn it. I feel so bitter over something I so hastily approved of.
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a month is a long time [Sep. 2nd, 2004|04:18 am]
The Ascendant
[emotion |uncomfortableuncomfortable]
[sensory |The Velvet Teen- Chimera Obscurant]

It's been almost a month since my last post, and I feel like I've aged. I feel like I'm haunted and withered and weak. Maybe I should start eating more. My appetite is slowly returning and the constant nausea has passed.

Here I am, poised to take my happiness into consideration for a change and try to make things clear.
Here I am, fucking it up.
Here I am, malfunctioning in the worst imaginable way mere days before I let her in on my newfound opinions.
Here I am, making a silent vow and a vocalized promise.
Here I am, with a drying face and a sorrowful stare.
Here I am, regretting my words.
Here I am, encased in a misery of my own construction.
Here I am, longing for some peace of mind.
Here I am.
Here I am.
Am I here?
Where am I?
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War in me [Aug. 6th, 2004|11:42 pm]
The Ascendant
[emotion |calmcalm]

I've been listening to The Postal Service and Death Cab For Cutie lately. Very chill, very groovy stuff. Other than working and spending nearly all of my free time down in Lauderdale with my girlfriend, I've not been up to a whole hell of a lot lately.
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another day, another dollar [Feb. 27th, 2004|07:02 pm]
The Ascendant
[emotion |lonelylonely]
[sensory |Tool- Sober]

My head feels like iron pipes. My thoughts are the fluid that courses through the pipes. My brain pipes are rusting. Some have rusted to the point that they’ve broken open. The bright red fluid, laced with viscous grey strands, sprays out. I feel anti-social, agitated, and hollowed. I can see my life stretching out in front of me. It looks like taffy, stretched thinner and thinner. It never breaks though. It just makes me fatigued. Or, maybe, I'm just so tired I'm delirious.
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wheeeee [Jan. 17th, 2004|04:48 pm]
The Ascendant
[emotion |listlesslistless]
[sensory |commercials]

Well, I haven't updated this thing in a long long time, so I figure it's past due. There's not been a whole lot I've really wanted to document, though. I dunno. I just don't feel like writing down what I'm thinking so much any more..... Maybe next time.
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